If Celebrities Wrote Back Labels for Wines

Posted by Tom Wark on Feb 3, 2006

I’ve been writing back labels a lot of late. While I take pride in the work of describing a wine, a winery, etc on the back of a wine bottle, I do sometimes wish for going outside the box. I’ve always thought it would be a brillant idea to have famous people write back labels.

GORE VIDAL:
"Audacious and distrurbing all at once, the wine here delivered is of such girth and so seemingly protoplasmic in structure that the mind is, for but a brief moment, distracted from the criminal acts of liberty’s foe that tend to focus our thoughts these bitter days."

TONY THE TIGER
"It’s Greeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaat….but a little over oaked too"

DAN BROWN
"Hidden in this blood red elixer lies the secret to man’s happiness and fortune, a secret so vast, so intricately layered with puzzlilng complexity that men have devoted their lives to its continued repose, lest the world be turned upside down in a cataclismic revelation about the true meaning of wine."

HUNTER S. THOMPSON
"Your pickled brain will spin in a menacing orgy of gruesome thoughts after ingesting this brew. Damn the bats. Damn the heated rhetoric of the psychotic bikers that tail you. Drink it now, hit the gas and leave the ugly pugs behind."

ERNEST HEMMINGWAY
"Drink the wine. Let the sun set. And drink the wine."

THOMAS JEFFRSON
"When in the course of fermentation’s progress it has becomes necessary to rise above the common pusuit of tyranical vintners, no men ever so great as the those brave patriots who craft this new wine have ever lifted a bung. They, together, have pledged their lives, their liberty, their happiness in pursuit of this finest creation of man."

PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH
"The fine Vintrenists who cause the making of this produced wine think you’ll be real, darn pleased with its aromaticits and the good structure they made it with by doing Malotatactics Fermentions."