It Was So Damned Good It Was Scary
I ate a PopTart today. Specifically, it was a strawberry-filled, glazed PopTart that was toasted. It had been a while, quite a while, since I’d eaten one of these things.
It was so God damned good it was scary. I felt felt compelled to drop at least two more in the toaster and gorge myself on a breakfast of..of…well, I don’t really care what they are made of…of PopTarts
The key to the PopTart’s amazing goodness, is it’s combination of sweetness, with something more than a hint of savoriness with that hint of toasty-ness that results from the slight toaster burn on its edges.
I realized something as I ate it. If there was a wine that satisfied me so completely as this Strawberry-filled, glazed PopTart did, it’s very likely I’d spend my days drunk and useless.
I tried to think back to remember if I ever so fully enjoyed a wine as much as I enjoyed this Strawberry PopTart. The closest thing I could recall were a few icewines that I’ve devoured in the past, caring nothing for the inebriation they brought on. So I wonder if, in my case, it’s just a matter of having a sweet tooth? I don’t think that is it because I’ve not taken to other types of sweets the way I took to this PopTart this morning.
I’m wondering if there was some sort of secret ingredient in the PopTart; if there was some sort of chemical or drug pumped into it brought on cravings and satisfaction. I wondered if such a thing was illegal and what affect it would have once injected into wine.
PopTarts Make me think. So I decided I needed to look through the ingredients:
ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN
MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), CORN
SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, DEXTROSE, VEGETABLE OIL (SOYBEAN,
PALM, COTTONSEED AND/OR HYDROGENATED COTTONSEED OIL† WITH TBHQ AND
CITRIC ACID FOR FRESHNESS), SUGAR, CRACKER MEAL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT
OR LESS OF WHEAT STARCH, SALT, DRIED STRAWBERRIES, DRIED APPLES, DRIED
PEARS, CORNSTARCH, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE,
MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), CITRIC ACID, MILLED CORN, MODIFIED WHEAT
STARCH, GELATIN, CARAMEL COLOR, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL
LACTYLATE, DATEM, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN AND/OR COTTONSEED
OIL†, MODIFIED CORN STARCH, XANTHAN GUM, SOY LECITHIN, COLOR ADDED,
NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, RED #40, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, YELLOW #6,
PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN
HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID, TURMERIC COLOR, BLUE #1.
Maybe the secret ingredient is in there somewhere, but translating this amazingly long list of stuff I’m not familiar with nor understand is well beyond my pay grade.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find out what the secret ingredient or combination of ingredients is that makes my heart go crazy upon biting into the chewy, sweet, savory goodness that is a Pop tart. Nor do I know whether that secret ingredient might be somehow foisted upon wines.
The only thing left to consider is what wine goes with Glazed, Strawberry Filled PopTarts.