It Was So Damned Good It Was Scary
I ate a PopTart today. Specifically, it was a strawberry-filled, glazed PopTart that was toasted. It had been a while, quite a while, since I’d eaten one of these things.
It was so God damned good it was scary. I felt felt compelled to drop at least two more in the toaster and gorge myself on a breakfast of..of…well, I don’t really care what they are made of…of PopTarts
The key to the PopTart’s amazing goodness, is it’s combination of sweetness, with something more than a hint of savoriness with that hint of toasty-ness that results from the slight toaster burn on its edges.
I realized something as I ate it. If there was a wine that satisfied me so completely as this Strawberry-filled, glazed PopTart did, it’s very likely I’d spend my days drunk and useless.
I tried to think back to remember if I ever so fully enjoyed a wine as much as I enjoyed this Strawberry PopTart. The closest thing I could recall were a few icewines that I’ve devoured in the past, caring nothing for the inebriation they brought on. So I wonder if, in my case, it’s just a matter of having a sweet tooth? I don’t think that is it because I’ve not taken to other types of sweets the way I took to this PopTart this morning.
I’m wondering if there was some sort of secret ingredient in the PopTart; if there was some sort of chemical or drug pumped into it brought on cravings and satisfaction. I wondered if such a thing was illegal and what affect it would have once injected into wine.
PopTarts Make me think. So I decided I needed to look through the ingredients:
ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN
MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), CORN
SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, DEXTROSE, VEGETABLE OIL (SOYBEAN,
PALM, COTTONSEED AND/OR HYDROGENATED COTTONSEED OIL† WITH TBHQ AND
CITRIC ACID FOR FRESHNESS), SUGAR, CRACKER MEAL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT
OR LESS OF WHEAT STARCH, SALT, DRIED STRAWBERRIES, DRIED APPLES, DRIED
PEARS, CORNSTARCH, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE,
MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), CITRIC ACID, MILLED CORN, MODIFIED WHEAT
STARCH, GELATIN, CARAMEL COLOR, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL
LACTYLATE, DATEM, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN AND/OR COTTONSEED
OIL†, MODIFIED CORN STARCH, XANTHAN GUM, SOY LECITHIN, COLOR ADDED,
NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, RED #40, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, YELLOW #6,
PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN
HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID, TURMERIC COLOR, BLUE #1.
Maybe the secret ingredient is in there somewhere, but translating this amazingly long list of stuff I’m not familiar with nor understand is well beyond my pay grade.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find out what the secret ingredient or combination of ingredients is that makes my heart go crazy upon biting into the chewy, sweet, savory goodness that is a Pop tart. Nor do I know whether that secret ingredient might be somehow foisted upon wines.
The only thing left to consider is what wine goes with Glazed, Strawberry Filled PopTarts.
The secret: Sugar (lots of it!) and fat. Just like McDonald’s french fries (which are soaked in sugar water).
Good thing you never tried cocaine! 🙂
I think a nice Champagne or Prosecco might be the right accompaniment.
Sugar and fat indeed–it’s about 90% of the thing: CORN SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, DEXTROSE, VEGETABLE OIL (SOYBEAN, PALM, COTTONSEED AND/OR HYDROGENATED COTTONSEED OIL† WITH TBHQ AND CITRIC ACID FOR FRESHNESS), SUGAR,…
Oh, and the dried fruit, er, strawberry is part of the rest that accounts for 2% of the stuff: CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF…
Tom, the fact that you go wow over this stuff scares me about your wine preferences 😉
In any event, don’t eat more than one a decade, if you know what’s good for you.
sugar, fat … and preservatives! typical american processed food-like product, Frankenstein disguised as a kiddie breakfast treat. reminds you of how pure a product wine is (usually). on the other hand, give me a box of Krispie Kreme donuts and I turn into a slavering 12-year-old.
Home made without all the additives are even better.
http://www.winosandfoodies.com/2008/08/pop-tarts-like-pim-et-isabelle.html
And the original Pim post.
http://www.chezpim.com/blogs/2008/08/how-to-make-you.html
Methamphetamine. It’s right there on the list, but under a different name….
Why are we reading about pop-tarts? I thought this was about wine… Wow, you guys are cool!
That label is why I specialized in enology rather than the general food science program at Davis. What struck me was the number of ingredients, and though I have never eaten a Pop Tart or certainly not tried to produce one, I suspect the actual recipe is a bit simpler than the ingredients indicate. What makes it look complicated is I think you have to account for the ingredients in the ingredients.
To bring this back to wine if you do ingredient labeling do you think they will let you say “Fermaid” or will you have to say:
Diammonium Phosphate (DAP)
Magnesium Sulfate
Autolyzed yeast
Thiamin, Folic Acid, Niacin, and Calcium
Pantothenate
If the people who use oak extract have to indicate oak and grape brandy on the label you can bet that new barrel users will have to list oak.
So someone who makes a $200 “fruit forward” “non-interventional” Cab might have to fess up to:
Grapes
Yeast
Bacteria(Leuconostoc oenos)
Water
Oak
Egg white
Sulfur Dioxide
Diammonium Phosphate (DAP)
Magnesium Sulfate
Autolyzed yeast
Thiamin
Folic Acid
Niacin
Calcium
Pantothenate
Dimethyldicarbonate
Holly crap those pop tart people are making wine!
Uh, is strawberry the best flavor?
Personally, I preferred the brown sugar/cinnamon when I was a kid. If I tried to eat one now (at age 43), my system would seize up!
Morton,
Is your list in the order of ingredient volume?
You know that’s the key to food ingredient labels, and that’s why the pop tart is essentially one big package of sugar and fat–notice where the sugar/s and the strawberry come up in the list.
Most people don’t think about this way: whatever that stuff costs, it’s probably too much to pay for a package of sugar by weight.
Tom, if you like those then you should try strawberry toaster strudels from pillsbury; in my opinion they are way better.
There’s a whole new world of strawberry breakfast foods you haven’t explored. Go!
LOL – how about a Riesling Auslese?
well, pop tarts once in awhile isn’t too bad..just don’t make it a habit of eating those artery cloggers!