10 THINGS: You’ll Never See On A Wine’s Back Label


1. A description of the health benefits of wine

2. The wineries suggested retail price for the wine

3. An apology for the high alcohol content in the wine

4. A list of the MOG —materials other than grapes—in the wine (you probably don’t want to know)

5. The name of the person who designed the back label

6. A suggestion you pair the wine with sauteed liver and onions in a balsamic reduction sauce

7. A political statement

8. A tribute to the first wife

9. What to do if a bad cork spoiled the wine

10. The amount of beer it took to make the wine

3 Responses

  1. Ryan Opaz - May 17, 2006

    Beer=the life force of wine production.
    As they say it takes a lot of beer to make a little wine!

  2. Jeremy Bivins - May 17, 2006

    So can we stop taking high alcohol wines to task just because they’re high alcohol?
    When you just say “High Alcohol Wines” in a negative manner, I think what you’re referring to are wines that have high alcohol and no balance, or high alcohol wines with unflattering levels of residual sugar.
    Just because a wine has a high level of alcohol doesn’t make it a bad wine.
    Clearly I’m going to have to drop off a bottle of my Zin next time I’m in wine country.

  3. El Jefe - May 19, 2006

    Would be surprised if Garretson hadn’t done #10… and I tried once to do a back label on ‘when did red stop meaning Commie Leftist’ but it ended up being too hip for the room (thus proving your point) – j

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