Done with Animal Wine
TAKE THE "WHY DID YOU BUY THAT WINE" SURVEY. CLICK HERE
I had a long heart to palate talk with myself this long weekend and came to a consequential conclusion:
I’m done with cheap, cute-animal-labeled, wines. I’m done drinking them. I’m done thinking about them. I’m just done.
I was in a grocery store with a pretty good wine department looking for something to drink by the pool. All of a sudden I realized I was in a zoo: Kangaroos, emus, reptiles, bears…I was surrounded by what seemed like scores of animals.
Now, I’ve had these "critter wines" before, just never on purpose. As I looked around I realized they were everywhere. It was a conscious decision to buy them this time. I wanted to test them out together. Put them all in a pen, as it were, and give them a ride.
In front of me were 10 different, very very cutely labeled wines, none of which cost more than $10. I popped the cork on each of them and began to assault my palate.
Flat, simple, cloying, jammy, one-dimensional animal dung. All of them. Bad Aussie wine. Bad American wine. Bad Chilean Wine. Bad New Zealand wine.
Bottom line: I’m 43 years old. I don’t drink enough wine to shrug off the bad ones. So, I made a pledge: for the rest of my life I will not buy a cheap wine with an animal label on it.
I suppose this kind of crap has been around for a long time. It has been labeled in a variety of ways too. But it seems now that there is a certain purpose involved in creating cute swill. That purpose is the American palate. Yea yea yea….it’s a good thing that by caving in to mediocre cravings more people are drinking wine and being drawn to wine.
But the other revelation is this: Not only will I not every buy one of these Wallaby-Wines again, given the opportunity to work for a producer of one I will decline…no matter what the money is.
Life is just too short.