Wine Porn In A Sterile Era
I've been thinking about "Wine Porn" (not for any good reason) and have concluded there really isn't anything we can call "Wine Porn" that comes close to the titillating exposure we have to honest to goodness "Food Porn".
Wikipedia is kind enough to offer a pretty decent, though limiting, explanation of "Food Porn":
"Food porn is a sarcastic term variously applied to a spectacular visual presentation of cooking or eating in advertisements, infomercials, cooking shows or other visual media, food boasting a high fat or calorie content, exotic dishes that arouse a desire to eat or the glorification of food as a substitute for sex."
It wouldn't be fair to use the above description as the basis for a description of "wine porn" by substituting the word "wine" for "food" and so on. For example, we are left with very little out there to read that I'm aware of that is described by this:
"Wine porn is a sarcastic term variously applied to a spectacular visual presentation of wine or drinking in advertisements, infomercials, beverage shows or other visual medium, wine boasting high a high tannin or sugar content, exotic wines that arouse a desire to drink or the glorification of wine as a substitute for sex."
The primary reason this doesn't work is that we just don't have truly spectacular visual presentations of wine. And why would we? For the most part wine remains monochromatic in appearance and is almost always portrayed sitting in one of only two types of vessels: bottles or glasses. It's hard to spice this up. And anytime wine is attempted to be spiced up by photographers who want to evoke a sensual response we end up with lips on a glass or a woman delivering something of a "come hither" look. That's not wine porn in the sense that presentations of food are referred to as wine porn. It's soft porn with wine as an accompaniment. Not fair.
Furthermore, exotic wines don't really arouse a desire to drink (as thought this is the only criteria necessary to have something be dubbed "wine porn"). If anything it tends to arouse a desire to taste.
Finally, what of the glorification of wine as a substitute for sex?
The possibility of this kind of glorification of wine is about the only thing that has the potential to deliver something that might honestly and correctly be dubbed "Wine Porn". The thing is, for this sort of glorification to be successful it most certainly would need to be done in words…and they'd have to be strung together just right.
Can anyone offer me an example of someone doing this…or capable of it? Surely Mr. Parker and his use of "unctuous" isn't getting us there. Nor are the descriptions of wines by the Wine Spectator, Wine Enthusiast, Mr. Tanzer or others. I think we are looking for the delivery of real wine-related prose. Is anyone giving good wine?
There is fertile ground here to expand the wine writing genre by someone who has an intimate understanding of the benefits and joys of sex and who understands the benefits of drinking wine. The writer who digs the nature of fulfillment as well as the climatic nature of finishing off a sip of dark, smooth red wine in a dimly lit setting might get us closer to the kind of glorification of wine necessary to substitute (or at least supplement) sex.
It's little things that move a genre forward just as it's little acts of selflessness that move a dalliance or liaison toward bliss or delight. So I guess in this somewhat sterile era of wine writing that focuses on girth and length instead of emotion and urgency, I'm looking for the writer able and willing to seriously descend the ladder of decency toward a set of words and collection of curvy lines that stretch the genre into something slightly deeper.
…have concluded there really isn’t anything we can call “Wine Porn”…
Then what would you consider porn porn? Is Playboy a true representation of, well, you get the idea;)
Maybe wine porn is more like wedding porn:
http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/product-description/1594200882
I don’t know about wine PORN, and this is not quite the kind of glorification you are talking about, but this commercial takes a fun approach to wine advertising:
Samantha Sans Dosage. Sam’s writing is highly descriptive and sensual.
Well…..
I think that on one level wine writing is product assessment/evaluation. Wine porn as you propose it would be endorsement and promotion.
“The writer who digs the nature of fulfillment as well as the climatic nature…”
Would be talking about the weather.
Climactic.
Anyway, to me, wine porn is wine writing that sucks. Get the image?
Oh and my attitude on porn is the same I have towards sports:
I have no need to watch other people do it.
Too bad every amusing contributor of yours must be on vacation.
Food porn is not about diving into the chocolate mousse with your face, it’s about realizing the connection between our senses-and what we ingest—with the sense of smell and taste being the oldest, most powerful…Two small, but seminal examples: “Women in Love”-the sultry summer Victorian picnic scene where the innards of a fig get explored and compared…(Glenda Jackson, Oliver Reed.
“9 and 1/2 Weeks” with Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke (before surgery), wherein substances fed to Kim who was blindfolded, send paroxysms of thrills through her.
For all wine’s heady, romantic and complex nature, to date (that I know of) no one has taken it to the limit.
Leaves a gap to be filled. Maybe a next step from fermentation to incantation to culmination.
“Too bad every amusing contributor of yours must be on vacation.”
Ouch!
My favorite “porn” scene between Kim and Mickey was with the ice cubes. Guess that says I don’t appreciate good food porn.
Better get back to drinking wine instead of talking about it–maybe I’ll hit that limit.
There is no wine porn, because the essential elements are all wrong.
Food porn always involves high calories and/or high fat, both of which are seen as rich indulgences, plus there is a chemical reaction to fat, chocolate, etc.
Wine is, at it’s basics, water, tannins (which are an acquired taste since they are “bitter”) some fruit, but not sweet and sugary, and alcohol. None of which elicit the same biological response.
Any attempt to link wine and sex is merely the idea that wine can help you in getting it, not that drinking it is in any way erotic.
Dyann, cheers.
Your comments made me LOL, which called out to a throng of curiosity on-lookers in a steamy coffee bar, hot with excitement over the anticipation of their creamy delights; while the sounds from the pulsating machines slowly reduced to whispers and new participants to the affair were rivited with a certain chill of excitement.
good stuff!
Tom what’s next?
Aw, man – I was doing a Google search on “porn” and ended up here??? WTF???
🙂
Here is a review of a recent Marilyn Merlot.
” Marilyn has certainly busted out all over in this vintage. The wine is deep and ripe with a supple, almost fleshy feel, and her big, frontal character is trim in the middle from a well-placed dollop of balancing acids leading to lingering and oh-so inviting finish.”
Not exactly porn, but not bad for an old guy with a good memory.
A little late to the party, but I think I got your wine porn… right here: http://tinyurl.com/lyvosg
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