The Presidential Speech I’m Waiting For

Obamawine I'm one of those who don't believe that President Obama's talk to American school children yesterday foretold the end of American culture and political life as we know it. And I'll be watching the President tonight when he addresses the issue of health care.

However, I'm disappointed that the President has not given the speech I believe must be made. I'm disappointed he has not undertaken that great national initiative we all know must be embarked upon. I'm disappointed that President Obama has yet to make this speech:


My Fellow Americans,

It is a fact, proven beyond dispute, that great nations produce great wines and drink those great wines. And yet, while American grapegrowers across this fertile land and winemakers in every state have proven their mettle in the vineyard and in the cellar, we, as a nation have yet to embrace the world class vintages produced in the United States of America. Tonight I come before you to announce a new and important national undertaking that I believe will put this nation on the path toward finally taking our place among the great wine drinking nations of the world.

American winemakers conquered the French in 1976 and again in 2006 by prevailing in wine competitions pitting American wines against the best French and those results were heard round the world. Our winemakers have placed their bottlings in nearly every country in the world, on wine lists and on store shelves. We have developed some of the best university winemaking programs in the world. And our technological prowess and innovation has allowed the American wine industry to go from nothing during prohibition to among the most respected in the world.

And still, Americans drink far less wine on a per capita basis than their counterparts in France, England, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Denmark, Australia, Germany and even the Cook Islands. In fact, the United States ranks 59th in per capita wine consumption.

We can do better!

And why ought we do better? Why should we drink more wine? 

Now, there are those who will try to scare you. They'll try to convince you with frightening conviction that any increase in wine consumption is the harbinger of the apocalypse.

The Neo-Prohibitionists want you to believe that any consumption of alcohol is inherently bad, if not immoral. They insinuate that a glass of wine with dinner is akin to shooting heroin on a street corner. They call for bans on this kind of wine drinking and that kind of wine drinking. They ask that it not be sold on Sundays, that wine not be sold near schools, that wine not even be served in the White House as it will serve as an endorsement of alcohol.

My fellow Americans, I'm here tonight to tell you that the White House happily endorses the consumption of wine and that those who tell you that any and all consumption is bad are nothing more than scare mongers.

Americans need to consume more American wine and they need to start now.

Beginning tomorrow I and members of this administration will fan out across the country, stopping in small towns,  big cities, suburban malls—wherever good, patriotic Americans who appreciate a fine Merlot can be found—and advance the cause of drinking American wine. We will be accompanied by great American wine makers. We will speak simple, easy to understand language to describe the bouquet of American greatness.

Also tomorrow, in the House and Senate, the "Great American Wine Advancement" bill shall be introduced. Under this legislation, American will receive a "wine consumption tax deduction". For every dollar Americans spend on a bottle of home grown wine, be it Syrah, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Franc or Gewurztraminer, they will be eligible for a 5 cent deduction on their taxes up to $10,000 in purchases of American made wines. We do this to stimulate the consumption of American wine, the American wine industry and to prod our people into trying some of the greatest wines on earth.

Finally, a new Constitutional amendment will be introduced on the floor of the House of Representatives tomorrow. Through the Amendment process, we will change the way wine is sold and distributed in the United States. Much has changed since 1933 when the 21st Amendment gave control of sales and distribution to the states. The market for American wines has been substantially hampered by the patchwork of laws in 50 different states. This new Amendment would place in the hands of your representatives in Washington, DC the responsibility for setting one, national policy for the sales and distribution of wine. Time for such change has come.

Finally, I am pleased to announce the appointment of Gary Vaynerchuk as my new national Wine Czar. Those of us who love wine and who have watched Gary instill enthusiasm for wine among viewers of WineLibrary TV and those who have read his books know he is the right man for this job. Gary will be responsible for overseeing and coordinating the national effort to increase wine consumption and to help put this country on the path toward wine greatness.

I believe it to be true that had America not suffered through the failed experiment known as Prohibition, that we would have no need for this new commitment I've outlined tonight. I believe we would have long ago taken our place as one of the great wine drinking and wine appreciating nations of the world. While our grapegrowers and winemakers have brought this country to the pinnacle of winemaking greatness, we as wine consumers have not followed their lead and fully appreciated the great wines this country produces.

That failure ends now. Our path to wine drinking greatness begins tonight.

Drink wine we must and drink wine we will.

God bless you, God bless American wine and God Bless the United States of America.

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10 Responses

  1. eggbee - September 9, 2009

    Bacchus would be proud! This is the God to Bless America if this speech were ever realized!

  2. Charlie Olken - September 9, 2009

    Dear President Obama–
    I have a shovel ready project that will not only help you reach your goal of having Americans drink more wine but will also help with the rebuilding of the economy. I would like to plant vines in my backyard and in my neighbor’s backyard. In fact, I would like to knock my neighbor’s house down because it is a dump anyhow and I can use all that dirt to grow grapes.
    The soil around here isn’t very good, Mr. President. It just killed my prized lime tree. But, if you will let me have some of those extra dollars that you have lying around, I can buy some good dust from Rutherford and sprinkle it around the backyard and on my neighbor’s lousy dirt as well.
    And Mr. President, I need some money for a heavily toasted oak barrel or three. No way any self-respecting Californian is going to make wine without new oak. Some folks even use 200% new oak. Come to think of it, Mr. President, I guess I really need six barrels of new oak–and maybe some chips as well.
    You know, Mr. President, we really need to do something about the forces that are holding us back from drinking that high-octane jet fuel they call Chardonnay. Please join me in my latest letter-writing campaign to Repeal Repeal and replace it with a new Wine Drinker’s Bill of Rights.
    It goes like this, Mr. President. ” We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all wine drinkers were created equal with an inalienable right to buy wine from any source, in any state, in any county (even in Tenessee and Pennsylvania–sorry, for the diversion, I just had to throw that in) as long as they are not an illegal aliens and have health care.”
    So, Mr. President, please send my check to
    Puff Daddy
    Gods’ Half Acre
    San Francisco Bay AVA
    Thank you for your time, Mr. President, and god bless Ron Washam.

  3. Joe Dressner - September 9, 2009

    My Fellow Americans:
    It is time to have a sound, equitable and just medical plan for all Americans.
    Medical care is not a luxury but a right.
    Fee based services and insurance premiums have made quality medical coverage a luxury plan. We must ensure that all Americans have the right to the latest medical technology and best medical personnel possible.
    Let’s put aside all our special lobbyist issues and move forward with compassion for all Americans, not just the wealthy and powerful.

  4. Steve Heimoff - September 9, 2009

    I think the Prez should tell schoolchildren to drink wine. JUST KIDDING! But seriously, that would be one helluva speech.

  5. Richard Beaudin - September 9, 2009

    Tom .. you’re killing me – that’s a grape speech if ever I have heard one :-).. and yes, I vote for Gary as well – he’s already helped me!

  6. Dylan - September 9, 2009

    And then, to commemorate the speech, he calls for a toast by raising a glass of his favorite beer.

  7. Anneliese - September 10, 2009

    I wanted him to make a mandate for the afternoon siesta!
    and btw:
    Not in my house! I drink just as much wine as a female my age in any of those other countries. (Should I not proclaim this?) “And still, Americans drink far less wine on a per capita basis than their counterparts in France, England, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Denmark, Australia, Germany and even the Cook Islands. In fact, the United States ranks 59th in per capita wine consumption.”

  8. machovino - September 10, 2009

    Was that supposed to be funny?

  9. bowling news - September 11, 2009

    I don’t understand what the problem was that everyone had with his speech. I didn’t see anywhere in it that he was brainwashing children with his political agenda. I’m not a fan of Obama, but I saw nothing wrong with this. I thought it was pretty cool that he did it and it’s something that every president should do.

  10. el jefe - September 12, 2009

    Nicely done. But you forgot the rubber chicken in every pot…

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