Open Letter to MADD On Their Fear of Zombie Alcohol Kids
AN OPEN LETTER TO MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING FROM AMERICA:
Dear Mothers Against Drunk Driving:
First, thank you for all you do.
Second, can we agree that at this moment Americans don’t need any more monsters (imaginary or real) with which to be concerned? Can we agree that at this moment the Fear Quotient that Americans are forced to confront has risen to levels not seen in decades and that there probably isn’t any room in our hearts and minds to welcome one more fear (real or imagined)?
With this in mind, you might want to put a pin in your campaign to try to scare the hell out of Americans (and Kentuckians in particular) with your claim that the new bill that will allow direct shipment of beer, wine and spirits from out-of-state will cause havoc in Kentucky and create an army of Zombie Alcohol Kids. In particular, I’m thinking about this statement from Lois Windhorst, your compatriot in Kentucky:
“Frankfort is rushing to make it easier for potentially untracked and unlicensed alcohol to be shipped into our communities under the guise of consumer convenience at the same time when our capacity to manage the public health and safety risks associated with these products is diminished…A Kentuckian can order, every month, from every individual producer, up to 10 liters of spirits, 10 cases of wine, and 10 cases of beer. While those may not seem like huge amounts by themselves, understand that each individual manufacturer can ship more than two-and-a-half gallons of hard liquor, 23 gallons of wine and 22 gallons of beer, every month, to any consumer…Considering that there are thousands of manufacturers across the country, it stands to reason Kentucky communities could be drowning in alcohol. These volume limits, combined with the lack of critical oversight provided by carrier reporting, make one thing abundantly clear: If passed, this bill will make it easier for minors to access alcohol and particularly the most dangerous kind for their cohort – hard liquor.”
As everyone in the country is shutting themselves in their homes and taking protective measures from the recently emerged CoronaMonster, MADD’s attempt to return our attention to its Fever Dream creature known as the “Minor-Buying-Wine-Online Monster” probably isn’t going to work. And if it does work and causes some Kentuckians to despair even further, to fear even further, you must know that it’s a fear without any reasonable basis in reality.
You may have noticed that more than 80% of the other states allow direct shipment of alcohol and have done so for decades and in not a single state have we seen the “Minor-Buying-Wine-Online Monster” attack the children in those states.
So, again, with respect and with an appreciation for your previous work, I wonder if you might consider postponing the unfounded scary monster tactics, at least until the real scary monster has been chased back into the sea and the villagers can emerge from their homes. Then, if you still want to draw scary pictures, point to imaginary monsters, or warn of the invasion of Alcohol Zombie Kids overrunning our communities, please have at it.