TOP TEN LIST: Ways to identify wine dorks
Mary Baker over at the Dover Canyon Winery Blog forwards this TOP TEN LIST. And it’s a list that’s hard to argue with. There IS a difference between the real wine geek and the poseur. Mary points out how to tell the Difference
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WINE GEEK AND WINE DORK
1. A dork will make you feel uncomfortable. They are supercilious, punctilious, and from my point of view, just plain supersillious. A geek, however, will make you feel comfortable, and value your opinion of his wines.
2. A dork holds his glass by the base, or with his fingers curled sensuously around the body of the glass. A geek grabs his glass by the stem and just sticks his nose in. All business.
3. Geeks love sweet wine and the women who drink them. Always keep a bottle on hand for the sensual possibilities. A dork does not keep sweet wine or palate deadening spices in his kitchen.
4. Dorks love to mention Bordeaux and Burgundy. Geeks speak and kiss French.
5. Dorks spend as much as possible for large bottles at auction, hoping for the ultimate photo opp. Geeks barter, trade, and wheedle for wine, but always seem to have plenty on hand.
6. Dorks will ask, "How long will this wine cellar?" Geeks will age a wine only as long as necessary to make it drinkable. They
have been known to pick up old bottles and hold them up to the light,
shaking the sediment around, and saying, "Do you think I can drink this
7. In a restaurant, dorks will swizzle wine loudly through their teeth before taking the first swallow. Geeks never do this on a first date, because they know if you laugh, the wine will come out your nose.
8. Dorks will order food, then a wine to match. Geeks order wine, and a totally unrelated food. They’re always surprised by how well food and wine go together.
9. Dorks follow numerical wine ratings and place their bets accordingly. Geeks are the hecklers of the wine world, and can often be overheard saying, "That wine got an 87? Geesh, I woulda given it a 91. 92?!? How did that wine rate? Are we sure that’s not the judge’s age??"
Dorks have a proper cellar for their wine collection, with temperature
controls, and chairs for their guests. Geeks and winemakers use their
cellars for "production stuff," and store their personal selections in
the garage, between the kayak and the workbench.
IT’S TOP TEN WEEK HERE AT FERMENTATION. IF YOU’VE GOT A GREAT "TOP TEN WINE" LIST EMAIL IT TO ME.