A Constitutional Amendment Banning InVINticide
Today the Senate of the United States is considering an amendment to the constitution that would prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. It is an important debate that pits free speech advocates against those who would put priority on protecting the apex of American symbolism.
While this debate is important, I would urge congress to move past it quickly and get to what is a truly consequential and urgently needed debate: Whether Americans Should Have The Right to Practice InVINticide—the drinking of wines at too young an age.
There was a time in this country when respect was given to wine, whether originating in America or abroad. That respect was manifested in the acknowledgment that wine ought to be given time in the bottle before it was drained and consumed. That respect was practiced by consciously "laying down" wine for an appropriate time, allowing it to age, and consuming it only when its tertiary and more complex potential had emerged. It was a respect that all Americans acknowledged was essential to maintaining the critical role of wine in our culture.
Then, sometime in the 1970s, a wine drinking revolution emerged in which that respect for wine was diminished, if not completely destroyed, by a band of troublemakers who flaunted their disrespect for wine. They advocated that it be drunk YOUNG, yes YOUNG!. They said that it was an inherent right of theirs to enjoy this beverage in the manner they desired. They even went on to make the ridiculous argument that drinking wine young, not letting it age, and not letting it take on those important qualities that come with time in the cellar, was a right bestowed upon them by the Declaration of Independence’s promotion of the ideal of "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."
The urgent debate that must occur now in Congress is whether life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness can still be the motto of this country while at the same time the consumption of wine in its youth is proscribed.
I say we must pass a constitutional amendment that very simply says: "The Congress of the United States shall have the power to protect all wine, foreign or domestic, from InVINticide: From being drunk too young."
By passing this Constitutional amendment America will restore the time honored, nay, the essential, recognition that only by aging wine can we honor this most important beverage and protect Americans from the kind of self delusion that we’ve seen lead to other unconscionable acts such as: serving cola without ice, preparing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with "chunky" peanut butter, and the most recent degradation of American culture, the inclusion of caramel inside the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
There are those that would reiterate the argument that drinking wine young, using chunky instead of smooth peanut butter and serving cola warm is merely a reflection of our devotion to "freedom of choice" and liberty. I say these things are what lead to the slippery slope that degrades the tradition of "American Exceptionalism".
Write your Senator and urge them to move past the Flag Burning debate and move quickly on the debate over InVINticide Amendment.