In the Interests of Saving Time
The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB), a branch of the federal Department of the Treasury that is tasked with, among other things, providing definitions of terms that appear on wine labels and in wine advertising, has asked for comments on the notion of defining specific terms. Those terms include:
Presumably, many wine trade organizations, individuals, consumers, lawyers, bloggers, writers and others will weigh in on what if any meaning the TTB ought to apply to the use of these terms on wine labels. Presumably, the TTB will then take a good amount of time weighing all the various opinions delivered to them. Presumably, the TTB will decide to define some of these words and how they should be used on labels. Presumably, we'll have the TTB decision in a few years.
It would be much easier on everyone and more time efficient if they just asked me what I thought, then implemented my judgements. So, in the interest of saving time:
May be used on a wine label so long as all the grapes used to produce a wine came from a single or collection of vineyards owned or controlled by the owner of the brand identified on the label
May be used on a wine label so long as the all the grapes used to produce a wine came from a collection of vineyards owned or controlled by the owner of the brand identified on the label.
See "Estate" above
May be used on any label in which the wine in the bottle is determined by the brand owner to be yummier than any single other wine produced by the brand owner identified on the label
May be used on any label in which the wine in the bottle is produced entirely from grapes grown on vines that have been in the ground for longer than 75 years.
May be used on a label in which the wine in the bottle was allowed to ferment within a wooden barrel for at least 51% of the fermentation process
May be used on a wine label if the wine in the bottle is owned by a human being
May be used on a label if the wine in the bottle was produced from grapes grown entirely in a single vineyard
May be used on a label if the wine in the bottle was produced from a single clonal selection of a grape variety that has been in use anywhere in the world for more than 75 years
May be used on a label if the wine in the bottle was produce from grapes grown in a vineyard
May be used on a label if the wine in the bottle was produced from grapes grown anywhere in the world from a single harvest.
May be used on a label if the wine was, at any time prior to drinking, inside a bottle
May be used on a label if the wine was made with the use of oak barrels that were selected for bottling by any means other than "Eenny, Meeny, Minny, Mo".
You’re king of the Delightfully Onry designation. This post was great fun, and inspires…..
Perhaps a “Super Yummy Reserve”?
Better yet, could TTB give the Napa cab folks a
“Too Astringent to Drink for 5 Years” designation?
$100 a bottle, easy.
I like how you defined Single Vineyard as a single vineyard.
What if the bottle says “grape wine”? I don’t even know where to go with that one. Little help?
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Please submit these to the TTB. Personally I love the “vineyard Select”.
Thanks for the morning chuckle. I especially loved the Proprietor’s Blend…
Because of the interpretation of “controlled” to essentially mean any grape purchase contract, you could probably get by with “May be used on a label if the wine in the bottle was produced from grapes grown in a vineyard” as the definition of Estate, Estate Grown, or Estate Bottled.
Charles, what state do you live in? I’ll move there so I can convince you to run for U.S. Senate!