In Pursuit of the Top Five New Wine Organizations

Young AdultsWith the In Pursuit of Balance organization shuttered and the American wine world now completely unbalanced again, it occurs that there is room and need for new organizations to form within the wine industry. My candidates for new organizations follow:
1. Association For the Advancement of Wine Forgers (AFAWF)
Anyone who followed the recent controversy concerning the Baghera Auction in Geneva and the alleged forged bottles that Don Cornwell identified simply by looking at the pictures of the bottles in an online catalog knows at least one thing: Wine Counterfeiters aren’t too swift. Take for example the 1978 DRC that had “Domaine de La Romanee Conti” embossed on the glass when no such embossing was done on the 1978 DRCs. Or the 1961 Petrus that lacked the words “Cru Exceptionnel” on the label. What’s clearly needed is an association of wine forgers to help lift the majority out of them out of their state of extreme mediocrity.

2. The League of Wine Nimbys (LOWN)
As long as they are going to oppose each and ever new winery; as long as they are going to oppose each and every winery expansion; as long as they are going to oppose each and every event of any size at a winery, they may as well pool their efforts, create form letters and form petitions and share them. Certainly the Wine Nimbys in Napa and Sonoma should pool their efforts.

3. The Lawmakers Benevolent Association (LBA)
With so many wine laws being purchased by wholesalers through “campaign contributions” and with so much money (Millions annually) being given by wholesalers to lawmakers, why not just formalize the process with an association of lawmakers and wholesalers who get together each year to exchange ideas, money and laws.

4. The Association of Natural Winemakers (ANW)
This is a natural! With all the talk of “natural” wine these days, you’d think its advocates would formally band together and hold annual meetings. Imagine the wonderful seminars “How to call the majority of the world’s winemakers Frauds”. Or, “Is it ‘Natural’ if you wear latex footsies when you stomp your grapes?” Or, “Is Brown the New Orange?”

5. In Pursuit of Excess (IPOE
It’s the right time isn’t. I mean, the pendulum always swings, right?



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