Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Napa Valley Vintners
"The question is not why the chicken crossed the road, but how much we can charge for a taste of that chicken."
Constellation CEO
"We are very confident that upon finally crossing the road, the chicken will fit in perfectly to our growing ‘Across The Road’ portfolio of chickens."
The Wine Spectator
Non Vintage Chicken—The Road
"This is a superb effort by the chicken that we haven’t seen in a number of crossings. A lovely blend of supple movement and a robust gate propelled chicken across the street and to a finishing hop upon a smooth, well delineated sidewalk." 94 Points
Randy Dunn
"The chicken has gone completely overboard. This isn’t a real crossing. It’s a simple, fat dash that is one dimensional. It’s time for the chickens to get back to making elegant, balanced crossings."
Gary Vaynerchuk
"Because we’re changing the chicken world!!! One Crissy Cross at a time!!"
Wine Distributor
"The Chicken just wants to tear down the system. If the Chicken gets his way and continues to cross the street we’ll see more chicks just get run over. I don’t think that’s what American Chickens want."
Robert Parker, Jr.
"I can’t say why the chicken crossed the road. I’ve not been to a chicken crossing in that region since I was asked not to come there anymore by a number of chickens that didn’t appreciate my appraisals of their crossings. However, I will be adding a new chicken crossings reviewer to the staff of the Chicken Advocate because our readers deserve thorough and expert coverage of crossings on that region."
The Publicist
"We wanted to create the greatest crossing ever! Our chicken is dedicated to hands-on crossings that highlight the terroir of the road. This is by far the finest crossing the chicken has ever offered."
The Wine Blogger
I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road. I just blog about it for my own pleasure and to try to make chicken crossings more accessible to the average chicken. Before bloggers appeared on the scene the mainstream press ignored the average chicken crossing and focused only on Roosters. Bloggers are taking back Chicken Crossings and putting them in the hands of the chickens again!"
Jonathan Nossiter, Director of Mondovino
It’s the same old crossing—bland, simple, undistinctive. This chicken doesn’t care about the character of the crossing. It merely wants to get to the other side and it’s the kind of crossing that destroy the distinctive regional character that has defined chicken crossings for centuries.
UPDATE:
Inertia Beverage Group
"We don’t care why the chicken crossed the road, we just want to help that chicken cross it faster, more efficiently, and more profitably.”
Jeff Stai, Twisted Oak
Because that’s where the rubber (chicken) meets the road.
“Phone calls to the chicken requesting comment on the crossing and the motivation for the move were not immedately returned”
Sometimes you just need a good laugh, today I had it! Funny stuff!
Too funny!
I feel so left out…
Why did the Chicken cross the road? ‘Cause it saw El Jefe coming and didn’t want to get twisted and plucked for the photo opportunity
🙂
Where are the chickenellipses in Parker’s quotes?
I feel so not left out! thanks!
Tom Wark:
For some reason, the state legislature decided that chickens should not be allowed to cross the road. On June 1, the law will strip chickens of the right to cross the road; that’s a right they’ve had for 15 years.
Actually, the chicken crossed the road so it could enter a reciproal state and legally order wine to be delivered over the Internet… much to the alarm of the Wine and Spirits Chickens of America.
Appellation America: “The area where the chicken crosses the road represents a distinctive microcosm of particular chickenness suitably exploited by adjacent chicken farms sensitive to the local terroir.”
Thomas Pellechia: Because the three tier system forced the chicken over to the other side and until there is a constitutional change that will speak out against the giant that is not looking out after your interest, they’ll just have to stay over there. A major part of the problem with once the chicken gets over on the other side of the road is that individual states have been controlling the chicken’s movement with protectionist measures.
Helena,
That’s plain chicken-shit, but good shit nonetheless 😉
We are here to make sure the chicken has all the proper accessories needed to have an enjoyable experience crossing the road.
“Regardless the speculation, crossing the road is one of the predermined physiological properties of chickens. This is what they do. To philosophise about that is pointless and disregards the underlying scientific underpinnings of this behavior. Understanding the biochemical factors underlying this behavior will pave he way to breeding better chickens. It will allow chicken enthusiasts to seek out the kinds of chickens they want.”
Chicken — that’s beef, right?
The Chicken was on a covert mission. We’d like to tell you more, but, you know, we’d have to…
Not to be left out of the hen house…
First of all, I only blog about Walla Walla chickens and unless the chicken is crossing a road in Walla Walla, I am not interested.
forgive me, I must give the mondosapore take:
“Gallo delle Galline told me that his great-great-grandfather, also named Gallo, had established this chicken crossing before Gallibaldi united all the chicken crossings of Italy.
‘We carry on the tradition because we are committed to the truest manifestation of Italian pollamita’ [chickeniness], the rest are the little hens of that American poultry critic who only like dark meat.'”