Hey, Let’s Kill The French Wine Industry!!

Stupid french
If I got together some co-conspirators, huddled in a dark place with candles aglow and hatched a diabolical plan to destroy the French wine industry, one of the things at the top of my LIST OF DIABOLICAL THINGS TO DESTROY THE FRENCH WINE INDUSTRY would be to ban free tastings of wine.

But since I don't know any dark places, have no candles and can't think of a single person who would want to conspire to destroy the French wine industry…Oh…wait, it appears there are some potential co-conspirators out there for me to huddle with.

But they beat me to the most obvious plan for destroying the most prestigious industry the French possess.

These French! They have no sense of efficiency.Clearly they are attempting to destroy the French wine industry, but their problem is that they are going about it in drips and drabs. And this is what separates the Boy countries from the Men Countries. There are much easier, quicker and effective ways to kill the cash cow of France.

Come'on you guys! Think straight and just do the following as quickly as possible and be done with it.

1. Enact Prohibition
2. Put a 90% tax on the sale of all grapes for production purposes
3. Ban all visual representations of wine in public

That should do the trick.

12 Responses

  1. Nancy - October 31, 2008

    Could it be that the French are simply reasoning that it’s dumb to give stuff away when people could pay for it? Our wine shop used to do free tastings, and we’re out of business. The places that charge are still up and running.
    Or am I naive?

  2. Fredric Koeppel - October 31, 2008

    the issue is not free tastings vs tastings with fees but that the French, who once thrived in a culture that made the production and consumption of wine and the pleasures of food and wine natural, pleasurable and rational, have embraced the worst excesses of neo-prohibitionism and political correctness. in doing so, they are destroying a great deal of their ancient heritage.

  3. Eli W.K. - October 31, 2008

    I think banning free tastings is a horrible idea. Are we supposed to read up on every wine before we purchase and use somebody else’s tasting notes that may have a completely different palate then ourselves. What about tradition, what about getting to know your customer. This world is getting less and less hospitable when you cannot even sample a winery’s catalogue. Also I don’t think giving free samples away at a store was the catalyst for sending it out of business. Just a thought.

  4. Iris - October 31, 2008

    Tom, I knew it, you are in with them – and gave your ideas away, before publishing them here on your blog! They are planning to practice all your 3 points: The ANPAA (anti-alcohol Lobby) preaches something not far from prohibitionism, they are planning to put taxes on every bottle up for winemakers – and to treat wine-websites like pornography – trying to protect the young (which is honorable, but should be done by educating and not by prohibiting – which never proofed to be efficient).
    So, shame on you:-)!

  5. Dylan - October 31, 2008

    I think number 3 should extend to abstract versions baring resemblance–just to be safe, in case they have a couple Picasso’s in their wine-loving ranks.

  6. Thomas Pellechia - October 31, 2008

    Be careful with your suggestions. People from our govt (and MADD) read this blog too, and we don’t want to give them either ammunition or ideas…

  7. Le Beast 1764 - November 3, 2008

    Bonjour, I am Le Beast. I am very angry about what our government is trying to do to our sacred wine industry.
    Our wines have been ‘simulated’ already by all of the savages of the New World- this is despicable, and I am preparing to take the world of wine back for the glory of France!
    Beware the shock and awe of Le Beast!

  8. Vintage Wine Gifts - November 4, 2008

    Vintage wine in France is known to be the best wine made in the world.
    Quality guys quality.
    whats this about
    “Hey, Let’s Kill The French Wine Industry!!”?

  9. Roger Evans - December 12, 2008

    Hi French wine lovers,although I live in the US(Texas)I drink French wine almost exclusively(from the Southwest).
    However, yall can stop worrying about tastings on anything to do with wine, champagne, armangac, congac or any other alcoholic product if you Frenchmen do not get up off you collective asses and do something about radical ISLAM. Kick them out of your country. When you are overrun with Islamist there will be NO WINE. France’s greatest treasure will be GONE!!!
    ALSO no more pork, illicet SEX and so many more things that make France what it is,probably the most cultured country in the WORLD, SO WAKE UP!! Get your heads out of the sand(or I suspose in some cases your arse)
    Have a wonderful Christmas and a wine filled New Year!! viva la France

  10. Rocket French - August 5, 2011

    Moreover, some studies have found health benefits for red wine 🙂
    … There’s nothing like a good glass of Bordeaux !

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